Grieving mum says drivers need to change thinking - Stuff

INCENTIVE TO IMPROVE: Emma Woods says even after what her family has been through she still makes mistakes when driving, but is working hard to limit them.

KIRK HARGREAVES/Fairfax NZ

A PAINFUL MEMORY: This photo of Nayan Woods was placed on a tree near the scene of the crash where he was killed in Christchurch in 2010.

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I have noticed a lot of road safety messages in the media recently, many of them relating to pedestrian safety.

Maybe it's because of the time of year, and I'm just more aware of messages that are always there in the background, like when you're pregnant and you notice all the other pregnant people.

Today is the anniversary of when our sons and I were hit by a car. The driver lost control, crashing into the three of us as we walked home along the footpath - injuring myself and our oldest son and killing Nayan, our youngest.

Two weeks ago New Zealand organisation, Brake, promoted the UN's Global Road Safety Week, focusing on the message of pedestrian and cyclist safety. The campaign encouraged people to think about everyone who uses the road and promoted the World Health Organisation's recommendation of a 30kmh speed limit within residential areas and around schools.

The argument is that a car travelling at 50kmh will take 24 metres to stop but only 11 metres when travelling at 30kmh. The slower speed not only allows for a better chance of avoidance, it also improves the survival rate if you are hit. A pedestrian hit by a car travelling at 30kmh will be much more likely to survive the impact than if the car was travelling at 50kmh.

In February NZ Transport Agency released a campaign called Drive Social. The aim of the campaign is to get people to start thinking about the other people using the roads instead of just the other cars. A lot of crashes occur when we, as drivers, prioritise our own needs ahead of those around us. Rushing to work, running late for an appointment, feeling stressed as we do the school run or answering a text that we feel is imperative to do immediately, are all times we leave ourselves open to making mistakes.

Whether consciously or not, we are essentially justifying our actions in a self-centred way - we believe that what we are doing is more important than what others around us need to do. The Drive Social campaign encourages us to think more about the people we share the road with.

Human nature means mistakes are made. If we are lucky, the consequences of a driving mistake are insignificant but sometimes all the factors line up, turning one careless action into a result that is life-changing.

Often, the only difference between one mistake and another is the severity of the consequence.

After Nayan was killed there was a line from a song I would think of whenever I saw poor driving: "Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right."

It's so easy to turn our mode of transport into a weapon in a moment of carelessness.

Even after what we've been through I still make mistakes when driving, but viewing each mistake as having the potential to kill gives me incentive to work at limiting the amount I make.

I am more aware of how I drive now. I explain a lot more to our eldest son about what I'm doing and why. I tell him why I have to change my speed because of rain or road works and how I can't look at what he's trying to show me, because I have to keep my attention on the road.

During their early years our children are not only our passengers, they are also witnesses to our driving, absorbing our behaviours and attitudes. If we model impatience, carelessness and lack of respect when our children are buckled in as our captive audiences, how can we expect them to make safer choices when it's their turn to get in the driver's seat?

Last year my husband and I were privileged to be a part of the team that brought the Right Track driving programme to Christchurch. Although this programme has been running in the North Island for several years, this was the first time it was offered in Christchurch.

The Right Track is a highly successful driver re-education programme that works with young recidivist driving offenders, greatly improving their safety on the road.

It doesn't achieve this by teaching hands-on driving skills. It does it by changing how the participants view their rights and responsibilities on the road.

It increases their empathy for other people and shows them the consequences their actions could cause.

It shows them how one mistake can ripple out and cause damage in ways they'd never previously cared about.

It introduces them to the people and agencies involved with caring for road crash victims, they hear the realities in a stark way that is hard to ignore.

It teaches them to be better at identifying and managing risks and shows them their role in keeping their family and friends safe.

From the two Christchurch intakes last year, 78 per cent of the graduates haven't re-offended - a fantastic result.

In the next few months we'll hear whether funding has been approved for future Christchurch programmes.

It's with dread I see May approach each year. The changing leaves and lengthening shadows bring sadness and regret of another year passing without Nayan beside us.

This May marks the third year since Nayan was killed and each day is still a struggle for many in our whanau.

Like the butterflies Nayan loved, many of us who loved him have undergone a type of transformation.

Grief's transformation is strange though, it leaves you unchanged in appearance but markedly different inside.

Three years on and there is no closure, no moving on and no letting go.

The death of a child is a lifelong adjustment, a new "normal" that never feels right.

I spoke to a friend from Canada a few weeks ago who told me that after hearing about Nayan her boss had spent some time reflecting on his driving and drives differently now. It was heartening to hear that someone 15,000km away, who had never met Nayan, felt impacted enough by his death to change how he drives.

It's impossible to know the far-reaching implications that driving with more care and awareness has. How can you put a number on how many lives have been saved by a shift in thinking?

Just because you can't quantify them, it doesn't mean they don't exist and you have no way of knowing whether one of the lives saved will be yours or someone you love.

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- ? Fairfax NZ News

Source: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/8695897/Grieving-mum-says-drivers-need-to-change-thinking

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